It's been a while since I wrote a personal post but it's also been a while since I had a month quite like August.
Hot damn, I'm glad that's behind me.
I don't know if it was Venus in Retrograde or the heat of summer melting brains, but it was a rough one. There were things that happened, sure, but mostly, it was the boat rocking way I DEALT with those things. I felt knocked off my game. I knew I was letting little things get to me more than I should--that the problem wasn't the problem but how I was DEALING with it--but I just couldn't seem to pull myself up by my bootstraps like I usually can.
I got mad and then emotional and then depressed. And then I began doubting myself. And I mean the basic foundational things that I've been working so hard at building up these last few years. After months of affirmations and struggling to be clear on WHO I AM and WHAT I STAND FOR, August came along and then I couldn't self-talk my way out of a paper bag.
Basically, I was a hot mess.
I know I'm not the only one this happens to. We all get it together and start rolling along thinking we're tougher because of that last thing that knocked us, and maybe you have a solid few months ... (the past YEAR for me has been great! Meaning: sucky stuff happened here and there but it never knocked me off the horse. I got good at feeling good.) ...and then something comes along and you feel like an infant about your emotional responses. No control.
I'm about to say something that sounds so cliche, it makes me feel like an asshole for saying it. Especially if you're still down there trying to get up.
YOU CAN'T CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE SAY AND DO. YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL HOW YOU REACT.
I know, I know. So cliche. Hokey, even. It probably pisses you off. It definitely pissed me off for the entire month of August. Because it sounds so EASY but it's NOT.
But the triteness of the phrase doesn't take away from it's truth. And the best part is there is POWER in that truth. If you can climb back to that place where you can begin to control your reactions, you feel so powerful!
There is no greater reminder of your own strength than the power of being in control of your own emotions.
And in the meantime, when that option just isn't in your arsenal of tricks, give yourself permission to let it SUCK for a minute. We get so caught up in how to feel good and reminding ourselves to be grateful and positive and only see the good, glass-half-full version of the picture that we don't let ourselves just FEEL HOW WE FEEL. It only compounds the problem.
I'm climbing my way out of the mudhole but the sky is brighter and for anyone else stuck down there, especially the ones who thought you'd put all that muck behind you, it's not a failure. It's not a setback. It's a lapse in personal power and it happens.
I know none of that means a ton when you're in it, but from someone standing on the other side, I'm with you. You're not alone. Sometimes, that is comfort enough. I'll see you when you get back.